Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I AM VODKA MAN
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
