everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize