Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
