i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
