I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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