Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
