Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
