Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
