you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
