Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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