Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
