matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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