You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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