Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
