Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
