Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
well you can't waste a boner
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
