As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
