I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
