PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
