I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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