you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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