dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
