Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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