Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
