i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
