Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
