Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
