they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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