yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
