I cannot find my penis.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
