WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
