She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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