i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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