I think I won the penis lottery.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
