So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize