Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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