Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
