That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize