my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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