if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
