i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
foreskin is a definite game changer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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