My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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