addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
