i jhust puked up my retainher.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
