And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
