i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
