I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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