the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
