so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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