I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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