i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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