I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
