Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
