Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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