I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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