Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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