I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
