dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
