I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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