Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
