sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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