What a fucking waste of an outfit
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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