do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
