so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize