Apparently you make a good broom.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
