She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
