Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
