It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
