Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
