apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
