Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
