hell yes lets make some ravioli
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
