Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
